What a year!

PAST

I remember the childhood awareness forming, the fears of my own realisations. I remember when the kids around me were out stealing cars and there was me and dreamy mind working out ways of having fun. I remember throwing stones over a high fence to hear the plop into the canal that ran by my mothers house. I also remember the fisherman chasing my friends and I for an hour around the local neighbourhood. The childhood innocence pulsating its calm ignorance across my untroubled desires.

I remember the pain of my parents separation. The feeling of being abandoned the fear of loss and the pain of loneliness. My mother trying to be the father. My sister trying her best to explain the concepts of life as she wizzed around finding answers for herself.

The realisation of currency with it needs for material possession. I remember my bike being stolen as I chased the nasty child down the hill as he mocked my cries. I remember the first signs of sexual attraction, playing with my confused child mind. The false leader that pointed my curiosity into their own malicious gain.

The 80s with its racism as I was stopped and searched at least 5 times a week. The car that I drove in my early teens being continuously stopped for no reasons. I can not begin to remember the amount of times I had to go down the police station to produce my documents. We'd call that a 'producer'. There was a time when I had 5 producers. I remember forgetting to 'produce' and being found guilty of 'not producing documents'. HELLO!

Being a young father at the age of 20 the mother a college sweetheart. The next 3 years of hardship. The pain of separation. Which was inevitable. I remember crying as I lay by myself missing my little boy, as I remembered him opening my eyes to wake me up in the morning. But the decision to leave that difficult relationship was the beginning of my personal awaking.

I remember selling orange juice in heathrow airport for a couple of pounds per hour, thinking that that was a job for life.

The first sales job. Being promoted to SENIOR SALES EXECUTIVE. Selling to some HUGE firms and really making a killing.

The land of technology then entered my life all the past experience all the pain worked for me. I knew how to deal with people. I realised that the truth is the most important thing. I realised that my life was indeed important and not some twisted game that the gods were playing. I became a consultant and a good one. I may party hard but I can tell corporations where they are going wrong IN MY OWN WAY. NO FLOW CHART NO FORECASTS.believe me they listen. Motivation of the staff doesn't lie in perks and promotion. Its ALL ENVIRONMENTAL. If you worked on a beach you probably wouldn't be worried too much about anything( depending on the job of course) If you are in a cluttered office. No budget. No resources. You may suffer. You will spend most of your time thinking about how things should be and where things are.

Now its 2001. I feel a success. I have my home my loved ones and my life. Any fears manifest in the moment. dealt with immediately. The testing of how to do things is more or less over. No bloody games.

Believing in the past is what people do the best. I no longer use PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE.
I use Acceptance and Vision.

It works like this if you don't accept everything you get stuck in the past continuously thinking about why and when and how and if I had done and What would have happened and she said and he said.

No more of that now I accept what has happened in the Now and focus on my vision of the future.

My new year resolution is

ACCEPTANCE AND VISION

and not RESENTMENT AND FEAR.

YEAR 2000

It was a travelling year.

Rome

Lovely experience got a real blast from the past . Literally. I found it really up lifting
the collosium still holds it almighty power. The memories knock on my door everytime I forget where I am.

I recommend ALL you readers go there. UK flights are as cheap as £50 rtn. You have no excuse.

Venice -

I remember flying out just getting the ticket the day before. Not knowing what to expect. Managing to get a room at 3 o'clock in the morning. 3 days of costume discovery. I was lovely sitting by the canal watching the masked wonders prance there little fairy costumes in an age old tradition that I was party to.

Standing by the peer posing with the mimes. People as far as the eye can see. BLISS.

Crete

The land of the gods. Lovely. Simply lovely. The food reminded me of my fathers food that he used to grow in his garden. Visiting the ruins of konosus was amazing.

Amsterdam

Met up with a friend that does the sound system for WOMAD. and most of the european rock concerts.
We did the REAL AMSTERDAM. Not the seedy strip joints and the drug induced dance paranoia ( you get that in london :-) )- The real amsterdam is that of understanding. I saw great efforts of construction. A clean understanding of the environment. With an insight on fuel efficiency, based on an impressive past history of sea going merchants and naval commanders setting sale on the countries orders.

Ireland

Ireland is always a beautiful place to go. It currently is going through massive change....

Observation alert- Ive  just thought that the more you go into detail, the less you see.

...with an economic success that can not be matched. You have an big imigration issue happening. I have already seen seeds of racism happening. I see the mistakes of the UKs 60s being made again AS employment, opportuinity and security psyshosis sets in. Thats where the economic growth of a county shadows what is underlyingly growing in paralel. Where opportunity is buzzing around in the air the seal   the culture becomes dislodged. Ya doing well over there. Just don't be scared of the change. REMEMBER A STRONG CULTURE IS A STRONG CULTURE. Its why millions are coming over. You will not lose the essence of the countries culture. Change is always a bit scary.

Im an proud owner of a digital camera. So Play time hear we come.

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