The Diary
02th May -
If I were to sum up my present feelings it would be - Acceptance of Normality. If the twisting reality of negativity is to be observed correctly you have to remain positive, or be thrown in head first into the pool of despair. I often feel like I was raised with such high standards and Ideals that I almost became segregated from the rest of society. It was a world of illusion, I laugh at it now, thinking the way I used to be placing people into catagories and watching situations in a "I told you so" mentality. Ive traveled down an amazing path, self-discovery, reality-based mental connections, spiritual belief vs religious and cultural input. The further I go down the road, the more I discover. The more I accept. The more I understand. I have seen several organisations. All of which operate with the "this is the way" system. I am SHOCKED by the lack up personal understanding out there, I am shocked with the way some people "choose" to live there lives. I am shocked by the greed, by the countless attacks we place against the universe, in that futile attempt to glorify the self and raise personal belief importance. I watch as friends attack friends, I watch people lie and decieve each other numerous times. I wonder whether true honesty exists amongst mankind actually does exist. The fear that is induced with each and every one of us is really the true guide for the millions of us that dispairingly avoid ones real desires. FUCK THE UNIVERSE is what many of us are saying. When we destroy to create....... I make mistakes, but I also fix them. The self torcher has been replaced with a pat on the back reward scheme, as all faults are ironed out. The creased reality I once led quickly becoming a single thread that is weaving itself into other threads, the tapestry is quickly becoming a single entity. A beautiful picture of realisation. We are the universe. ITS US. ITS ME ITS YOU. There is no punishemnt after death. There is no punishment but our own self imposed beliefs our punishment is self inflicted we punish ourself with guilt. Doing right all the time is a self achievement. Whose rights are actually right. I operate with the "I will not hurt" attitude that way I exist in the boundries of human emotions. That way I will not cause a rift in anything. However learning not to hurt is an art form. Over the past year I have discovered some hard core spiritual beliefs. Some amazing concepts that get me through situations. All based on beliefs. If cut out the drama, Ive analysed myself until the cows come home, If looked through the infinite reality doorways of the mind, and now I am content. So not I am content I see the universe that I am in...AND I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY WE ARE WORKING. Im not happy with the situations I have placed myself in, due the the quest of right and wrong. The quest for a real identity, the quest for love and understanding. It lead me in all directions but eventually lead me to myself. My thoughts. ME ME ME. Its all been a quest to find myself, amoungst the shame, the blame, the fear, the confusion, the age, the mistakes, the culture, the religions. HA HA. right now I govern my code of conducts. I am the generator of the codes. Now I understand the principles of avoidence, of doing, of self, of life, of reality, of the universe, of karma, of emotions, of mistakes. Now I seek nothing but my desires, my needs, and wants. I advise people with the warning that once on the road to self realisation, the way back is non existance, the road gets steeper, and all the way down the line you realise more and more, until the very realistations that you marvel become mundane, where a new realisation may even become a setback as 20 years of habit gets associated to a single events, where your actions are attributed to your peers, where your speech is guided my your desires and not your truths. Only when the shackles of the realisations are finally cut, does the haze of confusion begin to part. and only then to you begin to see clearly and see the twisted reality of your past, where you begin the task of rectifying mistakes only to make more. Where you realise that there is no leader, where you are your own guide, where your parents actually don't know as much as you thought they did. Only when the fears are released and your ethics take charge, only then does your vessel begin to move towards the light that guides the flow of our thoughts, when we finally see that smooth running of the waters of our emotions, we will unite in the gathering of the sky where every harmonious action is based on one entity "THE UNIVERSE" Smoking = 2 weeks-ish.... I feel my body clearing out. its a horrible affair of all the toxins fighting to stay in me, where my body says "thank you" and farewell to the void of negativity. Im contemplating alot of change again...its a continuous ride....it needs fine tuning. But it also needs energy...A total life of harmony is what I seek. This takes time as the practical skills of life come closer and closer. Met up with a nice group of healers this weekend. It was good. It was needed. Im ready now. No more POWS anymore. Im happy to be where I am, I need to travel, discover my true spirtual self. The understanding is complete, the health is flowing in. I am content. But I am still searching, but the importance and the desperate attempt to resolve issues have become seeds of thoughts that I will allow to grow, or not, based solely on the reality I choose to live in!. A crystal healer that I met this weekend explained the concept of the crystals being the "motherboard" of the earth....WOW. its true a chip on the computer is cooled as not to melt. Melt a crystal and it reforms itself. thats an auto repair mechanism. Great CRYSTALS ARE PURE CONSCIOUSNESS. Go and get one and focus your mind. If you have no direction in life. you will feel lost. if you are content with the life that you have you will know the way. THERE IS ONLY NOW! happy am I that can reach the sky in a twinkling of an eye. bye bye Love the world that we are in people.
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